I could be studying, but let's not talk crazy.

I am running on 5.5 hours of sleep, which is practically nothing on my sleep-o-meter so we can all just ignore Melvin's comment about my beauty sleep. I am about 57% convinced that I am currently stuck in a temporary wave of mild insomnia and I am NOT enjoying it at all! And I know 5.5 hours is the amount of sleep you all get in a month but let's all get a little perspective, people! Put your sleep needs aside and feel my pain - my wide-eyed, unblinking, begging-for-a-tranquilizer, bloodshot pain.

Of course, I found a good outlet for all the extra waking hours that I suddenly have. I have taken the liberty of doing laundry at 8 in the bright and early in the morning...when I don't have any classes all day and the rest of the world is asleep. Do you know what I get as my reward for being productive?

My laundry is half dry. (See how I went for the positive spin? I could have said half wet but that would just be negative.) Isn't that just punch-you-in-the-face-spit-on-your-neck-fantastic? Don't you love when life hits you with little surprises like that? I know I do!

Before I go off to study like a good Chinese girl, I thought I would share something hilarious and mildly disturbing.

Don't say I didn't warn you. If you have a fear of lady's undergarments, I would scroll down to the bolded part now because I still have things to say after this.

Last night, Kitty and I came back from our last Jitsu class and I had just taken a shower. You can rest assured, the story is not about my shower. No, that's a story for another time. I was sorting my laundry for the next morning. So I pull out my laundry basket where one week's worth of clothes has been congregating and stewing for the last few days and I start separating colours and whites, the usual blah blah. (I know you're thinking, "Who has the time to separate colours? Just chuck it all in the machine and be done with it!" I too used to be a believer in that method but, I think wearing a pink ghi to Jitsu would be a little much. Don't you?)

Suddenly, I come across an incriminating article of clothing. It's a black bra. A LARGE black bra. I mean, this baby could hold grapefruits and possibly small cantaloupes. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's not mine. I turn to Kitty.

Me: You know what concerns me?

Kitty (without turning away from her computer): What?

Me (thrusting the bra in her face): This isn't mine. [By which I am implying, "Keep your bras out of my laundry, you little nasty!]

Kitty turns and stares at the bra. There's a prolonged silence. We're both staring at it. I'm vaguely amused and waiting for her to take it. She doesn't even reach for it. She just stares back at me.

Kitty: It's not mine.

We stare at each other. We stare at the bra between us. We're not smiling anymore. Now, the bra is up on a shelf that neither of us can reach. Kitty flung it up there last night. After the initial horror dissipated, and we were no longer convulsed with laughter, we decided we couldn't just throw it away just yet. No, this was an item to be treasured, to be used to strike up friendly conversation with the people on our floor.

The sad part is this isn't the first time something like this has happened to us. About a month ago, the same thing happened with a sock. But let's face it. A big black bra is much funnier than an old sock. I mean, an old sock is just gross. A black bra is gross and mildly amusing.

For people who made the unfortunate decision to skip my lady's undergarments story, it is now safe again for your innocent eyes.

Being the kind, compassionate person that I am, I will offer you all some advice to survive your upcoming finals.

Step 1: Be a genius.

If you are not qualified for Step 1, proceed to Step 2.

Step 2: Find a genius and get a brain transfusion.

Okay, seriously now.

If you found Steps 1 and 2 unhelpful at best, proceed to Step 3.

Step 3: In the case of emergency (i.e. you are sitting in the exam room and the exam started 2.5 hours ago and you have yet to pick up your pen/pencil), simply tuck your head between your knees and kiss your [insert favourite body part] goodbye.

Well I had to leave some room for imagination.